Your Memory
by dong-chun-mei
Summary: With her love gone, she's stuck in a hard life trying raise their little son on her own. 15 years later, Gou's at his fahter's grave, feeling guity and wondering why, then the day finally comes for Julia to join the one she loves... ...KaiJulia...GouRin..
1. Living without you

Rose: You're sad...

Rina: Betrail does that to you...

Rose: Today's the anniversary...

Rina: I no...

No spellcheck, read and review if you want to, honest opinons welcome, i don't own beyblade.

Julia's P.O.V...

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_Can't you hold me just a little longer?_

It's been three years today my love. Even after all that time has passed, I still miss you so. I wish you could see our little boy, Gou, he's getting so big, so smart, so curious. He's so much like you were...

_Can you see him growing?_

He went to pre-school to the first time today. Mariah took him, so he and Rin could face this new world together. I watched him walk hand-in-hand with his pink-haired friend into this strange place that was all too new for him, and saw that determined look on his face. The one you passed on to him.

_Am I doing well with him?_

Gou came running home after lunch full of life and laughing. He still held Rin's little hand tightly, and begged for me to let her stay all night. I can never say no to that face.

_Is he happy?_

They're asleep now. How peaceful they look laying side-by-side, snoozing the night away... Like nothing in the world could tear them apart. He's clutching the teddybear you bought for the baby before it was born. He loves it so much.

_Will he be okay without a father?_

Three years... It's true, time really does keep on going. Seasons change, technology advances, children grow older, and so do I. I took Gou to see you yesterday, it was his first time to a graveyard. Naturally, he asked so many questions. 'Why's dere wocks stickin' up outta de ground mommy? Why's dere fowers by de wocks? What'sa dwaveyard? Dere's peoples undew de ground? Why mommy? Dids dey gets tuwned into moles?'

On and on the questions went as our little boy trotted along beside me. 'Mes too big mommy!' He exclaimed when I tried to carry him, so he held my hand instead. We stopped at the foot of your grave. Our little boy looked up at me expectantly. I simply sank to my knees beside him and let the flowers drop from my hand.

_Are you watching us now?_

'Mommy?' Gou asked, his crimson orbs stared at me questioningly. 'Why'd wes stopped 'ere?' I didn't answer him, I couldn't, not at first. The tears had blinded my visit so he was only a tiny blurr at my side. 'No mommy!' He cried, higging my arm tightly. 'No cwying! Pwease no cwying!'

'I'm sorry baby.' I managed hoarsely, hugging him back. 'I'm so sorry...'

'Why mommy?' He wondered, his eyes still on my tear-stained face. 'Why yous sowwy?'

'I couldn't save your daddy...'

_Do you see how much it hurts?_

He studied the headstone before us tentively, curiously, then turned his attention back to me. His little face looked so serious. 'Is daddy 'ere?'

I managed to nod, and ran my fingers along the grass. 'He's right here hunny.'

Gou placed both his hands along side mine. 'Daddy's in de ground?'

_Do you feel the pain we feel?_

'His body is.' I answered truthfully.

He blinked thoughtfully for a moment with that serious look still on his tiny face, then gazed straight into my eyes and asked. 'Is daddy a mole?'

I couldn't help but chuckle at his question, even throught my tears. I knew you would've done the same in my place, no matter how much it hurt.

_Do you miss us like we do you?_

'No sweetheart.' I repsonded, shaking my head. 'He's not a mole.'

Gou nodded as if in agreement. 'Mommy... why's daddy in de ground?'

_Am I raising him right?_

Fresh tears ran down my cheeks as I gathered him into my arms. 'He had to leave us hunny.'

He looked up at me sadly. 'Why mommy? Don't daddy luvs us?'

_Will I ever see you again?_

'Your daddy loves us both very much baby.' I reassured him, hugging him tighter to my chest. 'He just couldn't stay with us any more.'

He looked at me again, and I could instantly tell he didn't understand. The lack of his father as he grew was going to take a hard toll on him. But, there was nothing I could do. I had one great love in my life, and he was gone. There would never be another I could love like I do you.

_Will you ever meet our little boy?_

I'm watching them sleep now. Rin cuddles closer to him without even realising what she's doing.

It's been the hardest three years of my life. Loosing you, giving birth to Gou without you by my side, raising him on my own... sometimes I wonder if the struggles are really worth it.

_Are you proud of me? Of him?_

But all I have to do is take one look at the little bubble of life we created together and somehow I know...

Everything is going to be okay...

_You're memory is all I need Kai, just your memory... and our son..._

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nothing really to say...

just review if you want to...

dong-chun-mei


	2. Fifteen More Years

Rose: A second Chapter????

Rina: Yeppers!! I felt like it.

Rose: Blame my wonderful ideas!

Rina: I DO!!

Set 15 years after Your Memory

Gou's P.O.V…

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_Why did you have to leave?_

Hey dad… Remember me? It's Gou, your son. I know it's been a while since the last time I was here. Over five years to be exact, but who's counting?

Apparently I am…

So, why am I here, standing at the foot of your grave after so long? I'm feeling guilty, that's why. Guilty for the choices I've made since I've stopped coming to see you, since I started rooting around in our family's past.

_Have you watched me grow up?_

Mom tried to stop me you know. "I don't want you to get hurt." She'd said. Maybe that's true, maybe she didn't want me to suffer like you did, or maybe she just didn't want to loose me the same way she lost you… chasing long forgotten answers to questions best left buried.

Either way, she was right in the end... She's always right, at least when it comes to me she is. But that's a parent for you… that's a mother for you. Then again, you never really knew your mother did you?

_Are you happy to see me after so long?_

Mom still loves you… You probably already know that though. I'm just searching for something to say... She's hasn't moved on, I don't think she ever will. She's still stuck in the past, living in the warmth of her fading memories…

Memories…

At least she HAS memories of you. Me, I haven't even seen you face. I haven't heard your voice, or felt you touch. I've never had the chance to see you smile, or to play basketball with you, or wait up late for you to come home just to say goodnight. I haven't done anything a son's supposed to do with their father. I haven't had the chance. I hated you so long for taking that away from me.

_Are you disappointed in me?_

Is that why I've felt so guilty lately? Because I hated you for something completely out of your control? I understand now, it wasn't your fault. You didn't want to leave mom and me, but you didn't have a choice, did you?

Mom tried to be there for me in everyway you couldn't be, and when it can to _'guy things'_ Ray was always there to help out, the same way mom was there for Rin when it came to _'girl things'. _You wouldn't know this, but Mariah's gone too. She died seven years ago from leukemia.

So there you have it, I'm fatherless, and Rin's motherless… She's here with me, across the field, visiting Mariah. She should be coming to get me soon. It's getting late and the airs cold.

Seeing Mariah die opened my eyes in a way, and I started asking questions. I wanted to know who my family was. These Hiwataris… What connection did I have to them? What did their past hold? As a Hiwatari, what did **my** past hold? What about my future? Why didn't I ever meet any of your family? Did you even have family? I needed to know.

So I left everything and everyone behind. Mom… Ray… Rin… Makoto… and you… That's why I stopped coming.

_Am I a failure in your eyes?_

I wish I could tell you the answers I found made things easier, but I've done enough in the past few years without t liae need to be a liar too. I wish now I could redo everything. I wouldn't have left; I wouldn't have pushed everyone away. I wouldn't have tried to follow in footsteps not even you, or your father could fill.

But there's no use wishing. I can't change anything I've accomplished.

That's something mom use to tell me a lot. "There's no use wishing things would change." She would say. "The past is in the past, so leave it there!" I know she wishes she could've helped you. She misses you so much. I miss you too.

I use to think it was strange. How could I miss someone I've never met, who has never met me? Then I realized, it wasn't just you I missed it was my father. I know, sounds stupid right? Anyone with half a brain can see you and my father are the same person. But that's not what I mean (at least what I think I mean).

Remembering all the Father's Days where I had nothing to celebrate with but a polished rock makes me want to hate you more again. Part of me still hates you, even now, and part of me always will. I'm sorry to say that, but I can't change that feeling, no matter how much I try.

Did you ever stand my your own father's grave the way I'm doing now? Did Susumu Hiwatari see you standing there, like I'm hoping you see me?

_Can you ever forgive me?_

It doesn't matter what happened in the past now. I've realized that. Mom really was right; the past is in the past. So why in the hell couldn't I leave it there?

'You're just too curious.' Mom had said when I asked her that very question. 'You're Kai Hiwatari and Julia Fernandez's son; you never stood a chance since the day you were conceived.'

I could only stare blankly ahead as she ruffled my hand and continued on cooking supper for the both of us.

That answer simply felt like an avoidance to me...

_Do you miss me?_

'Gou…' I didn't actually hear her call me, but if felt her touch, as soft and light as the brush of a butterfly against my shoulder. 'Did you realize you're talking to him?' She asked, taking her usual place by my side. Had I truly been saying all that out loud? I simply shook my head in response to her question.

'It's okay.' She mumbled, gripping the handle of her black purse tightly. 'I do the exact same thing. I guess it means we're anxious around them.'

Anxious… that's a damn understatement Rin. Standing here, looking down at the very spot where you've laid for the past nineteen years… it's unnerving. 'Sometimes…' She continues, knocking me from my thoughts once again. 'I just find myself standing there, starring in the direction of mother's headstone, without actually looking at it, while other times, I read and reread the inscription on it so many times, and yet I still can't believe she's gone.'

I looked at her then, for the first time that day. She was crying, silently letting the tears slip from her golden orbs and off the bottom of her chin. She didn't try to wipe them away anymore.

_Do you know how sorry I truly am?_

'Remember how I use to cry all the time?' She asked, grinning through her tears even now. She hardly ever smiled anymore, so seeing her grinning now was like looking at a lime green waffle, outlandish. "I was such a baby after mother first died. I kind of took a 180 from how I was when she was alive. I use to do anything, just to get her upset, just to make her hate me. I didn't want her love, or al least that's what I told myself. She used to sit in her room and cry to daddy at night about me sometimes. I heard her once, right before she died; she thought she was a horrible mother, she thought I hated her. I heard her say that, and never felt any remorse or guilt. I wanted to hurt her, and I wanted her gone.'

She stared her feet then, letting her short pink locks fall over her face. 'Then, suddenly, she was gone, and I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye. She died thinking she was a failure, and I hated her. I remember crying for days after daddy came and told me she's died. I felt so guilty for pushing her away, I still don't understand why I treated her the way I did.' She looked at me then. Those deep golden orbs bore into mine so profoundly, I had to look away.

She sighed tiredly, sounding like someone who'd living many more years than she, at seventeen, had.

_Do you see the pain you've caused?_

'But that's a long time ago now…' She whispered. 'Those guilt filled nights full of unanswered questions and self wondering seem almost like another life time… don't they Gou?' When had her ramblings suddenly turned on me? Damn, she always was good at that sort of thing… Even when we were young children. 'Still we feel guilty, and try to make amends... If only it was that simple…'

'The sun's setting.' It was the only responce I could muster.

'You voice sounds husky.' Rin commented, shifting her weight from one flip-flop to another.

That's the first time I'd spoken all day. My throat was raspy from its lack of use. '… We should go…'

'You're right…' She sighs, and loops her arm through mine. '…as always…'

_If I was always right Rin Kon…_ I stare at your headstone one more time and bite my lip. I _wouldn't have made such a big mess of my life…_ Rin's light tugging on my arm tells me its time to go… time to put everything behind me once and for all…

I can feel Rin's golden orbs glazing at me and meet her stare. She offers me a small smile in return, the first real smile I've recieved from her in years. Together, we turn our back on our mistakes, and walk into the setting sun…

_It doesn't matter... Not anymore... I understand now... I'm ready to move on... Mom's okay... and with Rin by my side... I now someday... I will be too..._

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Well there you have it… tell me what you think…

Implied KaiJulia and hinted at GouRin... should I do a third and final chapter?

Dong-chun-mei


	3. Happiness In Death

Rose: Finally, the third chapter eh?

Rina: FINALLY!!!!

**Bold** Kai speaking

_Italics_ Julia thinking

Rina: I don't own beyblade, and i don't have a spell check, but i did my best so enjoy. And if you wanna flame, let me get a bucket of water first m'kay?

Julia's P.O.V...

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_Have you missed me?_

It's been a long time my love... Somehow though, I knew you'd be waiting here for me. After all the years I waited for you, you're finally returning the favour. Was it a long wait?

I close my eyes, and I can see you there, by the foot of the bed, smiling at me the in a way only you can. Oh, how I love that seldomly seen smile.

The years have been good to you. I wish I could say the same. You look exactly as I remember you did, you haven't change at all.

_Are you happy to see me?_

You hold your hand out to me. How I want to reach for it. I've longed to feel your touch for far too long now... But I can't, not quite yet... There's still someone I have to see... Someone I'm hoping will show up before it's too late, even if it is hard on him.

I need to say good-bye to him... I need to say good-bye to our son.

_Did you watch him grow up?_

'Will he... make it... Kai?' I murmur to you. Ray looks at me horrified, but only holds my hand tighter. I'm sorry I've scared him, he looks so worried, even though we knew this was coming for a while now.

You eyes train to the door, as if you're wishing you could will him to come faster. But his flight from Japan has been delayed at the airport because of bad weather. I knew he may not get here at all. Still, I follow your gaze, and manage a weak smile when I see Gou standing out of breath in the door way.

He made it.

_Did he turn out okay?_

Like a blind man, Gou stumbles forward and all but collaspes in the chair by my bed. He looks so handsome, so much like you. Ray pats him on the shoulder, then leaves the room. I reach out my hand to touch his face, but he catches it before I can, holding it tightly. Rin waddles in behind him and places both hands on his shoulders.

Her largely rounden stomach makes it hard for her to manuver in the tiny room, but somehow, she manages. She always seems to manage. The wedding ring shines brightly on her finger. It's their first anniversary next week, knowing the Hiwataris' luck, they'll probably end up in the delivery room having their children then. They're having twins, the doctors told me she was ready to go any day now.

_Did I make the right decisions raising him?_

'Mom...' Why does he sound so far away? He trying to get me to hang on. I remember doing that when you were dying... Did I sound as muffled to you and our boy does to me? 'Can you here me?'

'Julia?' That was Rin. She looks beautiful right now, and so much like Mariah it isn't funny.

**Julia... **I stare at you as you study our boy and his wife. Pride and longing show in your deep crimson orbs as they lock with mine.

'I know...' I manage.

_Can we finally be together again?_

'Mom?' Gou's speaking to me again. 'Who're you talking to? Who's there?'

I smile up at him, he's still as inquisitive now as he was as a toddler. I can feel myself starting to slip away, but I'm not afraid, how can I be when I have my boys right by my side? 'You're father...' I answer him truthfully.

Tears slip from his crimson orbs. I can see you in him so much right now. 'Father's here?'

'Right there...' I try to point to the end of the bed and you grab my hand tightly.

_Is this long wait finally over?_

Gou lowers his head, letting his bangs fall into his eyes. Even now, I know he struggling with mixed feels for you. So I squeeze his hand with all the strength I can muster. 'He's taking you isn't he?' Our boy demands, he needs to know, he hates being left in the dark.

Rin's grip tightens on his shoulders. 'Gou...' She started, but I nod.

'Yes he is...'

'It's not fair.' he hisses, loath clear in his otherwize shaking voice. 'You're only thirty-seven! The twins need to know their grandmother! He's doesn't need you yet!'

Rin hugs him as tightly as she can without her stomach getting in the way. He buries his face against her shoulder, and clings to my hand like it's his last lifeline when in truth, it's mine... I look over at you a little worried, I've never see him so emotional before. 'Gou...' I whisper. 'Kai...' You look so guilty my heart breaks.

_Do I really have to leave our son?_

**It's not my choice...** You look away from both of us, but still hold my hand. This is the first time I've had both of you holding my hands at once. I wish I had a change to do this more often. 'I knew... you two... would fight...'

Both you and Gou look at me surprised and I chuckle. 'So much... alike...'

**Rin's beautiful...** Leave it to you to change the subject. I smiled, remmbering how many times you use to do that when we squabbled.

'You're father... thinks Rin...is beautiful.' I whispered.

Gou looked up at his wife who smiled through her tears. 'Thank-you Kai...' She smiles too.

_How long will it be before I can see him again?_

You squeeze my hand. **It's time... **

I nod. 'Okay... Gou...' I can feel my heart starting to lag.

'NO!' He cries, tears streaming down his face. 'Not yet! You can't leave me yet! I'm so sorry for everything I've done mom. Please don't go! I love you...'

'I... love... you... too...baby...' I whisper and grip his hand reassuringly.

_Is the journey ahead a long one?_

Then everything suddenly goes so back. I can't see anything, but I can feel your hand in mine, and know I'm safe. Gou cries sound farther and farther away until they vanish completely and all I know is your hand and your voice saying **It's okay...**

Then you're gone too, and I'm all alone, stumbling along in the darkness until I'm weary, and so tired I can't go any farther. Collasping, I look around for any sign of you, of anyone. But it's nothing but blackness. I think of our son, crying over my lifeless body and want to cry with him... Is my soul lost?

**Come to me...**

My head raises at the very sond of your voice, and I stumble back to my feet. Mustering the last of my strength, I run towards your voice. The need to see you is the only thing that keeps me going in the dark.

Then, as quickly as the dark came, it dissapears and I'm surrounded by mirrors. Stepping forward, I placed both hands on the one before me and gasped. The person staring back at me wasn't the thirty-seven-year-old single mother I remembered seeing before. The person smiling at me from the other side of the glass was a young girl with two-toned brown hair flowing down her back and piercing emerald eyes that said she was in control of herself and knew it.

_What lies at the end of it?_

I stared astonished at the seventeen-year-old Julia reflecting back at me from the other side of the mirror. I didn't understand. What was going on? **Julia...**

I wanted to cry when I turned around. There you were, as handsome and young as the day you died, walking right towards me. Almost in a daze I ran to you, wanting you to hold me, not caring about anything any longer except the feel of your arms around me.

The mirrors are gone now, you're standing in a beautiful ocean, the very one I use to joke about walking across when we were still dating. The water ripples under my feet, splashing out at my sides as I run across it, right into your open arms.

_Can I finally be with you?_

Your arms are so, so strong, just as I remember them to be. How I missed this... how I missed you...

I could feel the tears flowing freely from my eyes now, but I didn't try to whipe them away. You cup my face tenderly in your roughened hands and after so many years apart, after so many years of shattered dreams and hardships, you kissed me tenderly.

**I love you...**

_Oh Kai... I love you too... and I always will... from now... until the end of time..._

_For so long... All I had was your memory to make it through... and now... after so, so long... I have you back..._

_Finally..._

_We can be together... _

_And nothing's ever going to force us apart again..._

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YAY It's FINALLY complete! My first multi chaptered fanfiction done!

Be proud of me, be very proud! This chapter is so much better than the second one... at least i think it is...

Kind of a bitter sweet ending eh? They both had to die before they could finally be together.

Well review if you want to, they'll make me happy if you do!

Dong-Chun-Mei


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